the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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