i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
