I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I supernannyed him into submission
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
