Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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