We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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