You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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