She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
