you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
