Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.