when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
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I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
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You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall