Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
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