I will die if light touches me.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.