These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
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If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
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He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"