I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Also, beer. Big fan.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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