i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
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You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
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Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.