Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(410): View more from Maryland

These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.

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(303): View more from Colorado

I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.

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(503): View more from Oregon

I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.

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(559): View more from California

there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(443): View more from Maryland

If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.

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(239): View more from Florida

We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.

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(713): View more from Texas

He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.

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(989): View more from Michigan

i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"

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