roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go