She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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