You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
