Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize
