i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
