I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
