the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
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