I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
