i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
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He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
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Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes