i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees