here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
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I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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