You made me cry and you don't even care
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
