He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
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Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
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I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.