So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.