i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Houston, we have a squirter
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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