I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
God, I missed his penis.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
