i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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