Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
