i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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