if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
