she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
