if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
