the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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