Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
