it was like having sex with a tree stump
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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