i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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