I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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