It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
