There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I think i peed on brittanys purse
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
