In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Randomize
