I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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