Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Randomize
