i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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