I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize