I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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