are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
