I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
