i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
