I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
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