alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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