never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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