I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
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Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
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Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize