stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
he quoted the bible to break up with me
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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