oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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