I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
