dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
