finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
