Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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