I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
