Banned from zoo.
Again?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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