What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
