I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Just took my morning after pill in the library
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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