If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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