meet me or not, i'm out of control
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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