Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
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