the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I could make wine with my vomit
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sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
im on a boat
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