Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
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