woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
