This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
