Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
i think i just lost a toe
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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