My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
