He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Text me some of your sweat
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