My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
