Cold hands, warm shart.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
