Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
there is glitter all over my balls
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