...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize
