final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I understand Curling. That high.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
