I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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