I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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