i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
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I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
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I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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