Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
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