I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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